Friday, July 6, 2007


I confess…I’m pro-planet. I’m pro-Earth. I think we should support Earth, or should I say “The Planet.” Yeah! I guess that makes me a celebrity…or a politician, or a Democrat. Then again, I don’t care about global warming, so I guess I can’t be a celebrity or a politician OR a Democrat! I guess that makes me one of those whack-jobs who, for lack of caring, are going to throw the Earth off its axis, or otherwise end God’s creation as we now know it!

But I really don’t have to care and neither do you. We have countless rock stars needing career jumps to do all the “caring” for us.

They will conspicuously over consume and pollute the joint to do it, but they are acting for me and for you and any others out there, if there is indeed anyone else out there, who doesn’t give a crap!

Today (July 7), Ladies and Gentlemen, we have Live Earth. The global concert, held at eight venues including one on every continent (I guess Antarctica makes for a ninth venue) on this ailing planet.

It will surely be as effective as the other concerts held for various causes with no known intended result. I give you;

Live aid (1985) – Prompted by the Ethiopian famine of 1984/85, to help periled African nations pay their debts to evil Western banks, helping to alleviate starvation in Africa. Much of the money fell into the influence of the Derg military junta which enforced resettlement and “villagification” programs which killed between 50,000 and 100,000 people and displaced at least 3 million. Nice!

Farm Aid – I guess this one was to help keep farmers in subsidies. Apparently a huge success, as $171 billion will be paid (welfared) in direct farm subsidies over the next ten years.

Band Aid (1984) – No more hungry kids in Ethiopia?

Live 8 (2005) – To raise more awareness of issues that plague Africa…and the rehabilitation of aging rock stars’ careers.

Which leads us to…

Live Earth (2007-Today) – This one will stop global warming, I mean, “climate change,” so planet Earth can go on to be planet Earth for future generations of politicians and celebrities.

How about a bake sale for burkas?

How about this one: We can shame and defame our soldiers abroad to help bring about the end to war. Oh, wait a minute, that’s already been taken care of…celebrities, Democrats and more than a few Republicans already have a handle on that cause.

I suppose we could swim to raise awareness for the fishes in order to save the oceans. But sure enough, renowned oceanographer, environmentalist and scientist (and Cheers bartender), Ted Danson declared, circa 1987, that the oceans and the earth, would be dead in ten years if we didn’t drastically alter our lives, raise taxes and commit mass suicide because we are Americans. So whatever he did, it must have worked because last time I was on the coasts, the oceans, at least the two I have ready access to, were alive and well.

I now kneel and thank Almighty God for celebs and politicians, especially Al Gore, Rock Stars and pop white trash, Sheryl Crow. Because of them, we have not yet stolen Planet Earth from God and the cosmos!

On another note, John Edwards is campaigning to raise the minimum wage and put an end to poverty right here in America because haircuts apparently cost $1,200.00.


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